Staying positive with strategies that work: Part 1: Acceptance
Life is tough when you’re going through cancer treatment, so anything that you can do to boost your mood is an excellent tactic to help you cope. Of course, it can be tough at other times too: you lose your job, a loved one gets sick or dies, your life partner leaves (or you leave them) and many other catastrophic events.
It’s easy to fall into depression and anxiety during such a difficult period. But in an analysis of 51 studies of over 2.6 million people, researchers found those conditions had a negative effect by increasing the likelihood of cancers starting, reducing cancer survival rates, and a lowering of overall survival across a wide variety of cancers (1). Another study of a US survey revealed that, in the general population, people with depression and/or anxiety lived almost 8 years less on average. The researchers also found that these conditions contributed to 3.5% of all deaths (2).
The good news is that another study analysed 24 studies involving 822,000 people and found that a positive mindset significantly improves survival and reduces mortality. The key drivers of that were physical and emotional wellbeing, vitality and optimism (3).
So how can you keep that positive mindset when life has thrown you a curveball? There are helpful psychological interventions like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, individual meaning-centred psychotherapy, and Supportive Expressive group therapy, which were discussed in a review of psychological interventions recently (4).
But this is the first of a series of articles, where I want to discuss practical steps that you can use to improve your mood yourself, things that you can do without consulting psychologists or psychiatrists. I found these things helpful during my battle with leukaemia, and they’re relatively easy to incorporate into your life.
Accept your situation
This is the toughest of all things to do. I get it. You wonder why this awful thing has happened to you. Was it something you did? Could you have avoided it? You’re angry. You’re frightened. All you want to do is cry. You aren’t sure how you can go on. How will your family cope?
This is an intensely personal story of how I coped when I realised I had leukaemia. I hadn’t even had a diagnosis yet. I’d had a series of infections, which my doctor wouldn’t take seriously. But after seeing a different doctor, I’d had blood tests taken, and at 9.30 that night I got a call from her telling me I needed to see a haematologist and asking whether I had a preference. I said I didn’t know any, so was happy for her to choose one.
In Australia, doctors rarely call you after hours unless it’s serious. And I knew my immune system wasn’t working properly. She confirmed that my white blood count was ‘extremely low’. Actually, it was non-existent. I was stunned. I just knew it was leukaemia.
Getting ready for bed, I didn’t tell my husband of my fears. I thought he’d think I was being over-dramatic. I tried to pretend everything was all right. But inside, I was churning.
Initially, I went through all of those emotions I outlined above. I had my funeral planned and mentally drafted a farewell letter to my husband. How would he manage without me? We’d only been married 19 months. How could I tell him I might die? I imagined what chemo would be like and the horrors that awaited me. It was totally terrifying.
For 3 hours, I cried until my pillow was sopping wet. At 2 am, I realised I was due at work the following morning and would need to get up in 4 hours. I needed some sleep.
Then, I realised that if I had leukaemia, no amount of crying, thinking how unfair it was, worrying or misery was going to make it go away. I didn’t want to be unhappy. It was what it was (or wasn’t). I’d be much better off putting my energy into coping strategies. Take one day at a time. Whatever life flung at me, if I could cope with what happened that day, I’d be all right.
I’m not a Buddhist, but their attitude to life intrigues me. Their philosophy is that change is a constant part of life, and resisting that change is the source of much suffering. They advocate embracing the present moment, even when it’s difficult.
I’m not suggesting you passively accept things you can change. If you can take a course of action to avoid a bad thing happening to you, of course you should do that. But if change is inevitable, better to accept it and work on coping with it.
There will be grief, of course. That is a natural reaction to losing anything precious, whether it be your health, a job, or a loved one. And it’s important not to bypass it. Grief allows you to honour the value of what you’ve lost, gives you a chance to adjust to the change and create a new ‘normal’, and it allows you to process all the emotions that come with loss. But you can grieve whilst still accepting the fact that things have changed.
The next morning at work, the phone rang for me at 9.02 am. It was the haematologist, and she wanted to see me just after lunch that day. So, I knew that my diagnosis was right: it was leukaemia. The uncertainty was over.
Uncertainty is the worst part. When you don’t know what is going to happen, that is a source of fear and anxiety. The truth is, though, that reality is rarely as scary as you think it will be. Which is when the advice to take one day at a time is helpful. If you can cope with that day, you’re doing fine. Just rinse and repeat every day.
If you enjoyed this article, don’t miss the next in the series. You can make sure you see it by signing up to join my Treatment Support newsletter at https://www.naturallysupportingcancertreatment.com.au/soothing-chemo-radiation-side-effects. As a thank you, you will receive an instant download of my booklet, Soothing Side Effects: A Natural Support Guide for Cancer Patients.
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References
Wang Y-H, Li J-Q, Shi J-F, et al. Depression and anxiety in relation to cancer incidence and mortality: A systematic review and meta-analysis of Cohort studies. Molecular Psychiatry. 2019;25(7):1487-1499. doi:10.1038/s41380-019-0595-x
Pratt LA, Druss BG, Manderscheid RW, Walker ER. Excess mortality due to depression and anxiety in the United States: Results from a Nationally Representative Survey. General Hospital Psychiatry. 2016;39:39-45. doi:10.1016/j.genhosppsych.2015.12.003
Fontesse S, Fournier V, Gérain P, et al. Happy thus survivor? A systematic review and meta‐analysis on the association between cancer survival and positive states, emotions, and traits. Psycho-Oncology. 2023;32(11):1631-1643. doi:10.1002/pon.6224
Anghel T, Melania BL, Costea I, et al. Review of Psychological Interventions in Oncology: Current trends and Future Directions. Medicina. 2025;61(2):279. doi:10.3390/medicina61020279
